Anonymous

So I completely fell off the radar there for a few months; I figured this would happen at some point when I started this blog but didn’t expect it to happen so soon into it! As it does, life got busy – and happy and awesome – and June and July became a bit of a blur. I should be reading (new daily phrase for the next year) but instead I’m enjoying some coffee and watching the sun come up over this twinkling city.

I’m officially set up in my new place in Toronto and really enjoying it. I did some significant purging before leaving my old place to make sure everything would fit (important during a 1200 to 600 ft downsize) and my new condo is starting to feel like home. I’ve got a few more pieces of art to get up on the walls, which seems kind of pointless given that it’s going to have to come down again in 10 months, but such is the life I’ve chosen.

The building is pretty great – there’s a Loblaws and an LCBO downstairs (both convenient AND dangerous), a Zen Garden, a BBQ area and party room, a movie theatre, a pretty decent gym and soon, a pool. I am loving the location, close to school and an easy subway ride downtown, surrounded by shops and a lot of hustle and bustle. After living in a small town I am routinely amazed at being able to get any kind of food delivered at any time of day or night, the endless options of things to do and all the people.

Allllll the people. There are so many people here. On the streets, on the subway, on the road, in my building. I can see how this city feels overwhelming to some – truth be told, even this extrovert enjoys getting back home to my condo cocoon after I’ve been out for the day to take a breather from all the people.

That said, I think this year is going to provide me with something that’s been missing from my life for the last while: anonymity. As one of my best friends pointed out, in Toronto I can be whoever I want! No one knows me and there is no fear of running into half of my co-workers at a local event or being recognized in the grocery store; there is no more living in a small fish bowl. I am nameless and unknown, I can wear and say and do what I want! Given that I’m trying to take this year as a personal reset and establish a new balance for myself, being the tiny-fish-in-a-huge-pond is almost essential. It allows me the freedom to try new activities and hobbies, go to festivals, date, hang out with people who aren’t in my field, experience art and culture, and once again have a life that isn’t centered around work. Not to say I want to live here forever, but sometimes the pendulum has to swing all the way to the other side in order to come to rest in the middle.

Last Thursday I went out – at 9pm on a week night (scandalous!) – to an open mic night at a local bar. I met some new people and laughed and listened to live music and sang along with some songs I knew. There was a moment where I could feel something unlock inside me – this moment of “I didn’t realize this was missing” – and a new tiny bubble space for something other than work was created. I can’t wait to see what else I discover; my anonymous year in Toronto begins now!